QUESTION 4: How to help my lonely child?


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QUESTION 4: How to help my lonely child?

“He does not have friends. He does not know his friend’s name and even the teacher’s name. Now, he does not want to go to school.”


Above is another concern of some mothers about their child. Well, it is normal for us to be a little awkward and need time to adjust with friends, teachers and environment.

But, after sometime (at least a full of 20 days attendance to school), we might feel that our child need help to make friends and get along with others in school.

Of course as parents, we know how our child behaves at home. How do they communicate and how do they interact.

However, some children behave differently when they are at home and when they are in school.


The inability to get friend, be a friend and socializing will have impact on the child’s learning progress.


A feeling of being a stranger will lead a child to have a very low self-esteem.

This will deter him from being an active participant in any activities in class and school.


At the same time, he might find being at home or with the babysitter is better than school. This is when you see a child cry and refuse to go to school.


At the same time as parents, we tend to be stressed out with such situation. We envy all other mothers whose child is running to go to school!


When that happened, most mothers start to feel bad. We feel that we are not a good as mother. We keep asking why my child is not as easy as other?

When this happened and there is a great tendency that the child will be a victim of a mother’s emotion. Some children were being scolded and threatened.

No friends —> not happy in school —> not able to learn —> cry —> do not want to go to school —>  worst as mom and dad stressed out !

It issimply another part of a natural process of learning for a child. Some of them just need us, as adult to assist along the way, and the rest of the affected factors will be resolved.

Let me share with you some aspect that we need to look at when we observe our child ability to adjust and adapt with new environment and situation:

[A]     We, parents (mothers) : be honest


When we send our child to school, set the right expectation and say positive words to our child.

“Don’t be naughty in school.”      say     “I know you are good, and you will be good to your friends.”

“If you naughty, mama will beat you!”    say    “I love good boy and good boys talk and listen to teacher.”

“Look at your friends, they are all good, not like you.”   say   “It is alright, Mama know that you are good and your friends are good too!”


When you fetch your child (or when they reach home) ask encouraging question.

“What do you learn today?”    ask    “What do you enjoy the most today?”

“What did you eat in school?”    ask    “What did you do during recess?”

“Do you have homework?”    ask    “Did teacher give anything to show Mama?”

Those are some common and basic things that we can do as mothers to encourage our children to look forward to go to school.

It was observed that a mother’s emotion, will always have a great effect to the child’s emotion. This will always relate on how confidence the child will be in reaching a goal of becoming a positive child.


At home

  • Ask a ‘light’ question to your child.

‘Homework’ sounds heavy. Ask ‘anything to show me?’ will sound different.

  • Ask related question.

“Who do you sit with in your class?”

  • Ask more meaningful question.

“What do you eat in school?” sounds cliche. “What do you do during recess?” or “Who do you play with?” make a child think and refresh meaningful memories in school.

A positive child will always have a higher self-esteem, which will make them more confident and able to follow through any learning experience for the day.

Some of us lost focus. When our child needs help, we instead, investigating about the school procedures.

We interrogate the teachers on their qualification, and the issues will lead to another circumstances.

Remain calm and put our child as our main concern.

Stick to the objective, “How can I support my child in his learning process?”

By doing this, we mothers will be able to make good decision if the issues related not able to be resolved in a usual manner.


[B]       Teachers : talk to them

We can’t be working alone. We need help and we need the school and the teacher’s cooperation.


Talk to the teachers.

If you found that teachers might not have the capacity, do talk to the principal.


Talk to the Principal

Principal is the person who will be in charge of the overall situation in school. She will have better knowledge and able to guide her teachers too.


Avoid getting the teacher’s or principal’s personal attention to you. Remember, we focus on our main concern, the child.

Believe me, having the teacher’s personal hand phone numbers will not help our child anyway.

Well, it is fine to be a loner. But, we know our child is adjusting well.


“In many situation, remain calm. Focus on our concern for the children.”

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